Letting Go

It was March 2, 2012, the day of my grandfather's funeral. Poppy, who was ninety-six had passed away peacefully a few days earlier. We had just left the cemetery after the graveside service. I was in the car with my husband when we pulled into the driveway of my grandparents' house that they had lived in my entire life. I’d lived right next door to them during my 3rd through 5th grade years of school. In fact, my family lived with them in this house for a short time while we were waiting for our new house to be built.
 
Minutes before, I had learned that the house and most of the property had been sold. Our family had about thirty days to move everything out of it before the new family would be moving in.
 
Emotions came crashing in my heart as I saw Poppy's tractor sitting there just like it had been for my whole life. It was probably a newer tractor. But he had always had a tractor for as long as I could remember. 

I walked around that day trying to take in the reality of what was happening. As I looked out over my grandparents' property my aunt's words resonated in my heart.
 
"It's a chapter coming to an end."

She was having a hard time with all the sudden change. Seeing my brother and me walking around soaking in the memories that were created on that land was more than she could take. With teary eyes, she walked away and went inside the house.
 

As hard as it was to face the reality of a chapter of my life being over, I knew I needed to face it head on.
 
This reminds me of a memory I have of my father pulling a splinter out of my foot. I was terrified of the pain. I would’ve done anything to avoid it. But my daddy—in his wisdom—knew that the splinter needed to be dealt with or it would become infected. So I wailed as he made me sit still until he gently removed the culprit that was causing the pain. The pain was intense for a short time. But as soon as he removed it I felt better. 

Just like the splinter needed to be removed, our hurts and sorrows need to be removed by our Father in heaven.
 
How many times do we choose to run from pain? When in reality, it is facing our pain that makes it go away. Sure, the grief might be intense for a short time as we are facing it. But in the long run, after the pain has been dealt with we are free to live fully and freely without the pain of the past weighing us down.
 
Pain festers in our hearts and infects us with bad symptoms in the same way a splinter would fester in our foot and cause many bad symptoms.
 
Knowing that I needed to let go of a chapter of my life, I embraced the pain. Week after week I returned to my grandparents' house to help go through their things before the new family moved in. As I combed through each closet and drawer it was therapy for my soul. I would find treasures from my past and gleefully share my excitement, "Look what I found!"
 
The very last day I went to their house was the hardest. The week that I knew would be my very last visit I prayed for God's help. I knew it wouldn't be easy to let go of something that had been a happy part of my life since I was born.
 
As I pondered the memories of my grandparents' home, I heard the Lord’s still small voice within me.  "I will use the house and property to bless another family in the same way it has blessed yours."  As the Lord was speaking to my heart, I realized that in order to experience the new beginnings He had for my life I had to be willing to let go of the past.

Why is it as humans that we hold on so tightly to our pain and to our past?
 

The day that I went to pick up the last piece of furniture, the new family was moving in. I introduced myself and began to share my heart with them. Through a few tears and with my voice breaking, I said, “I want this house to bless your family the way it has blessed mine.”   

The gentleman replied to me, "It already is a blessing us." I want to stay here for the rest of my life." While I shared the difficulty I was having in letting go, he responded, “I've got to go inside now, your words are about to cause me to start sobbing."

I'm the kind of person who truly wears my emotions on my sleeves. The vulnerability I was showing about the difficulty of letting go was really touching his heart. It was a powerful God moment for all of us there that day. In my letting go, the new family was able to embrace the gift of this beautiful, sacred home-place. 

My husband and I stood on the edge of the property that overlooks one of the most beautiful views I’ve ever seen. As I embraced my sadness, my husband prayed the sweetest prayer for me. 

In those last moments standing on that beautiful piece of property that had been a sanctuary for me throughout my life, I realized that the sacredness I felt on Poppy's land could be felt every day of my life wherever I am. I rode away from Poppy’s home on this earth and thought about the legacy that he had left behind for me and for my family. As our car pulled away, I let the tears flow. It was an hour and a half drive home. I prayed, “Lord, heal my heart.” By the time I returned home I felt better.

That was last spring on Good Friday of 2012, three days before Easter. How beautiful of the Lord to allow me to celebrate His resurrection with a healed heart, free of pain.

The legacy of Poppy’s love for Christ lives on in my heart. I am free to carry on and live free from the sadness. When we look heavenward, life is sweet and beautiful. When we focus on what we've lost, our lives become defined by brokenness and pain.

That’s what letting go does. It releases the pain and opens the door in our hearts for new beginnings and new beauty.
 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:7 ESV

Live Abundantly!

Amy

Beauty for Ashes

It was a clear, winter day and I was sitting on the family room floor making valentines. I was 8 years old and didn’t have a care in the world. I was enjoying the moment I was in and safe in the comfort of my home with my mom close by in the kitchen.

That’s the last thing I remember before I heard my mother’s panicked voice hollering out, “It’s a fire!” 

I looked up and there I saw the kitchen curtains engulfed in flames. My mom tried putting the fire out, but her main concern was my safety.

We ran outside to get away from the smoke. A gentleman who had seen the smoke from the post office next door ran over to our house, grabbed a hose, busted a window and put the fire out.

Later on that day, we went back inside to assess the damage. In a matter of minutes, the flames had completely destroyed our kitchen, and the smoke had damaged most of our house. 

We never stayed in that house another day. We packed up our salvageable items and moved in with my grandparents for a few months. My parents made the decision to build a new house a few miles away. It was months before our beautiful, new home was completed.           

My life had been turned upside down by the rampant flames that raged through my house on that winter day. It was difficult to have my life so shaken up, but knowing a beautiful home was being built for my family helped to ease the difficulties. I remember visiting the new home often to see the progress that was being made.

I’ll always remember the day I first saw my completed bedroom with the brand new carpet I picked out myself. It was breathtaking—nothing like my young heart had ever experienced. It was almost more than I could take in at once. It was amazing. After losing my old home and many of the things I had been attached to, the new home was sweetness to my soul.

The new life Christ has given me is much like the new home I moved into after the fire during my childhood. Before I fully surrendered my life to Christ's purposes for me, fiery trials swept through my life and destroyed many things that were important to me. After surrendering everything to Jesus, He rebuilt my life and turned the ashes of my past into a beautiful display of splendor.

I remember times when I wondered if I would ever have beauty in my life again. The stress of a struggling marriage relationship, the tension from strained finances, and not being physically well—it seemed impossible. 

As I wrestled to believe, my faith won and things began turning around for me. Step by step, Christ renewed my marriage, restored our finances, and taught me ways to improve my health. 

When we believe things are hopeless, then we will have a hopeless life. When we teeter on the fence of disbelief, we miss out on the miracles the Bible promises we will see. 

In 2009, I made a commitment to stop doubting God forever. Whenever a doubtful thought taunts me, I meditate on the scriptures to bring life to a worn out and weary spirit. Doubt cannot penetrate a heart that is fixated on the truth of God’s Word.

Christ has good plans to give every person a future filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11). He is the redeemer and restorer of broken lives.

Are you struggling to believe God for good things? Leave fear and doubt behind and begin believing that Christ is the author of beauty. Surrender it all to Him and watch as He rebuilds and recreates the beautiful life He longs to give all His children. 

Trust Him to give you beauty to replace the pain of your past. He will bestow on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes and He will give you the oil of gladness instead of mourning. He will plant you firmly in His promises to be displayed as a glorious vessel of His magnificent splendor.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61: 1-3

Live Abundantly!

Amy 

This post has been revised from a piece originally written several years ago. The above picture is one of me at the Biltmore House gardens.